Sunday, March 6, 2011

I Fought the Law

Grandma is getting extra feisty again! She came into my room the other night with one of her favorite complaints, "I opened the door and the hallway light is on!"

Here we go again. Frankly, this is one of the most annoying things to deal with, Grandma and her proud membership in the Con Ed Light Bulb Police Squad. She refuses to have more than one light on at a time. If you have the gall to put on two lamps, "Why are all these lights on? You're not reading, you don't need all these lights. You wouldn't want to see my Con Edison bill!"

The tenants are serious offenders in this battle. There is no outdoor light. They have the nerve to leave on the hall light until the husband gets home from work. Can you imagine?? Leaving a single light bulb on? When it's dark? For two or three hours?

So, Grandma is launching into her familiar tirade, and I am just not in the mood for it.

"They left the light on!"
"So? It's dark out."
"Why is the light on?"
"Because no one wants to come home in the dark."
"He can turn it on when he opens the door!"
"It's just one light bulb."
"They don't pay my Con Edison bill! You should see it. Aunt Dee asked why it was so much!"
"No, she didn't. Light bulbs don't drive up the bill. It's things like appliances and the heat."
"It's a 100 watt light bulb!"

This could go on forever. As we know, Grandma does not admit to being wrong and will say anything to get the last word if she's wound up. I'm just trying to read and besides that, I am with the tenants on this one. I say turn on all the lights! (Which would be a total of maybe 8 for our whole apartment?) My reply is, "So turn it off or get over it! What is there to talk about?"

Oh, Grandma is not happy with this display of freshness! She stomps off muttering to herself, "I don't need to listen to this sh-t! Turn off the lights or get your own house!" I'm not sure if that last bit is directed at me or the tenants. Ha!


  1. Umm... if I lived where your grandma lives I would invest in a million light bulbs, possibly some giant stadium lights, and an electric fence. She can either pay the tenants electric bill, or buy them a bullet proof vest and guard dog.

  2. So, you don't find the abandoned school and feral cats charming?