Yesterday Grandma lost her glasses, so obviously, the first thing she did was complain that Aunt Dee stole them. Like most stolen goods, the glasses are not anything anyone would want. They're huge, thick things, probably from the '70s. I told Grandma Aunt Dee hadn't been over and clearly didn't take her glasses. Grandma remained suspicious.
She wondered if she'd left them at her friend's house, but then decided that her friend would have called. I wondered if she actually went to her friend's house since I haven't seen her go farther than the front porch in weeks.
So we are looking all over the house for the glasses. In her search Grandma finds a pair of my dad's reading glasses.
"Whose are these?"
"They're Dad's. He left them here."
"Why would he leave them here?" Something clicks in her brain. "He took my glasses and left this sh-t!"
Now Grandma is pissed!!! Both of her kids are dirty thieves! For once, Aunt Dee is innocent, so Grandma decides to call her because she's "frickin' mad!" While she's railing about my dad and him taking her huge '70s women's glasses for himself, I look in Grandma's room for the glasses. And there they are, mixed up in her bedspread.
When Grandma's items are found, she doesn't backtrack at all or apologize for any of her wild accusations. I hold up her glasses and she simply says, "Oh, there they are" and hangs up the phone.