Body Snatcher?

During the recent heat wave I was sitting in the living room with Grandma for a little bit before heading out. I'd convinced her that the air conditioner was necessary because it was nearly 100 degrees out. She sat in her usual spot and said, "Why don't you turn the light on over there?"
"I'm fine. I'm going out in a couple of minutes."
"Put the light on."
"It's fine. I'm leaving soon."

(Muttering to herself and shuffling over to the lamp)"I don't want to sit in the dark. I'll turn it on myself."

Grandma is allowing the air conditioner and two light bulbs to be on? At the same time???
Who is this woman with such blatant disregard for the Con Edison bill? I kinda like her.

That's a Wrap

My dad brought over some McDonald's, including a snack wrap. Grandma has been eying it with suspicion since.

"What's this?"
"A chicken sandwich."
"Chicken? But it's all wrapped up. I never saw such a thing!"

Multiply this conversation by five.

Back in Action

I haven't had much to post lately because Grandma went through an extended bout of "I'm so weak" and was basically sleeping non-stop for 2-3 weeks. But, by forcing her to take her thyroid medication, she seems to have bounced back and is up to her usual shenanigans.

Here are a couple of examples.

I spent some time dogsitting for a friend and was staying at that apartment. It wasn't too far from home, so I'd stop by the house to check on Grandma most days.

"Ok, Grandma, I'm going back to dogsit."
"What?"
"I'm going dogsitting."
"I can't hear you."
"I'm Going Dogsitting."
"I didn't make that out."
"DOGSITTING!!!"
(pause)
"You're talking too loud. I can't understand you."


The other day I went out with a friend for Indian food. I brought home leftovers of chicken tikka in an arugula salad. Usually if I have food I want to keep to myself, I hide it in one of the refrigerator drawers. This time I left it on the shelves. Grandma looks at any lettuce beyond iceberg with suspicion and I thought the coral spicing on the chicken would totally signal this as something too ethnic for her. Wrong! About an hour later I spot a plastic lid with a scrap of arugula on the counter.
"Did you eat my salad?"
"Huh?"
"My leftover salad in the refrigerator, did you eat it?"
"No, I didn't eat anything."
"Well where is it? I left it in the refrigerator and now it's gone."
"It's must have been your father. He's been hanging around."
"I brought it home an hour ago. He hasn't been here. You're the only other one here."
"Well, I don't recall eating it. It must have been your father."

Trash Talk

Could I have just one day where we don't have to discuss the garbage or recycling pick-ups?

Little Bro's Bake Shop

Happy Easter, everyone! I hope all Catholics brought out their best shark tooth chains for the holiday!

Grandma had another bout of "Woe is me, I'm so weak..." over the weekend, but she seems to have snapped out of it. Tonight I got her to eat a chicken salad sandwich and some of Little Bro's banana bread.

"Do you want to try the banana bread? It's from Little Bro."
"Where'd he get it?"
"He made it."
"He made it? He likes cooking? Oh, that's wonderful. He must not have anything to do, so he took up cooking."
"Is it good?"
"Oh, yeah. Isn't it nice he took up baking."
"Tell him to make you some more! Call him and place an order."

This sets her into a fit of giggles. "Good idea!"

Wake Up Call

This morning my phone woke me up. I checked the time, 6:39am. It's Grandma. In the other room.

"Hello?"
"Someone needs to come pick me up!" (Again, I am just two rooms away from her).
"Why are you up so early?"
"What? It's nighttime. I have a doctor's appointment! Someone needs to take me!"
"It's Sunday, and it's 6:30 in the morning. Your appointment is tomorrow."
"What?"
"It's Sunday and it's morning. Go back to bed."
"Oh. Well. I don't know what I was thinking then. Isn't that funny. Sorry to bother you."

It turns out Grandma had a busy morning. She called Aunt Ellie with the same questions at 6:15am. And then called her again 20 minutes later. And then called me. She does have an appointment tomorrow with her neurologist. So I guess it's good that she remembered that? We'll certainly have a lot to talk about with him.

I'm Lovin' It!

Lately Grandma has been extra lackadaisical. She'll go through 3-4 day stretches where she barely gets out of bed. I try to get her moving or at least make sure she eats something.

"Grandma, are you gonna get up?"
"I just don't feel well. I feel very weak."
"Well, you need to eat something. You don't eat enough, that's why you feel weak. Do you want some toast?"
"I just don't have the appetite."
"What about some soup? Or tea?"
"No, I just feel like I'm gonna throw up."
"Do you want some McDonald's?"
[pause]
"Oh, that could be nice..."

And this is how I know there is nothing seriously wrong with her. If she had a true stomach ailment McDonald's would be the last thing she wanted to eat. But she just can't resist it! She loves that salty food and will eat it at anytime of day or night.

After one bout of this self-imposed bed rest, Grandma actually stumbled out of her room. I was on the phone with my dad and said, "Oh look, Lazybones finally got out of bed!" Freshness is a surefire way to perk up Grandma's energy.
"Don't be fresh!"
"What, it's three o'clock and you've been in bed for days. You are a lazybones."
"I'm gonna come over there and smack you! Oh, but, I'm too weak. I just don't have the energy."

A few more Happy Meals and she'll be back in smacking shape in no time.