Grandma and the Grammy's

Today my friend Jon sent me an email about Arcade Fire's surprise Grammy win and the chorus of people who've responded, "Who are The Arcade Fire?" His first line was, "I think your grandma's a trendsetter!"

And clearly she is! The aftermath of the Grammy's has left a lot of people saying, "Arcade Fire? Never heard of them!" If Grandma watched the Grammy's she would certainly be in that number. I think she'd also have a comment about how she never saw such haircuts.

The article, in New York magazine, is a really thoughtful analysis of taste and communities and how the internet can build both connections and insularity. This paragraph really stood out for me.

"'Never heard of it': This has been the natural and traditional response of all sorts of ordinary American humans to all sorts of phenomena. It’s not really about knowledge or information. It’s an argument, for the most part, and a faintly aggressive one — a way of insisting that what you pay attention to really does define the world. What you’ve heard of is real, and everything else is marginal. The center holds, and you are that center. You are normal and aware, and not just some tiny atomized entity that can only hope to know one tiny corner of the universe."

I wonder if Grandma's frequent bursts of "Never heard of that!" and its sibling, "I never saw such a thing!" are an attempt to cope with her dementia. Maybe she prefers the assertive "Never heard of it!" to the vulnerability of "Oh, I must have forgotten." As the author suggests, maybe she is defining the world and putting herself in the center, even as the dementia is making her world smaller by the day. She is concerned with the garbage pick-up, if her church is being closed to widen the street, what Aunt Dee has stolen lately, and that she lost 18 pounds. Her brain has fixed on these topics and can't really process anything beyond that. If she can write off my over-the-knee boots, tofu, and "giant" frying pan with a dismissive "Never heard of it!" then I am the weird one and she does not need to acknowledge her diminishing awareness of the world at large.

It's hard to say if Grandma is really aware of her condition. She refuses to admit that she is ever wrong or less independent than she used to be. Her doctor wants her to use a cane. "I don't need it." She refused to wear the Life Alert Aunt Dee bought her, "I won't fall." Even when I've caught her losing or forgetting something she'll say, "I'm not senile, you know." I can't tell if "Never heard of it!" is a defense mechanism or simply a sign of the generational divide.

But, Arcade Fire? They're awesome.

Never Heard of It! Volume 6

Until five or six years ago, Grandma still had her car and was able to go out into the world as she pleased. However, with all the things she's never heard of, you'd think she was some kind of Rip Van Winkle abruptly tossed into the 21st century.

Here's the latest round of things she's never heard of:

Grape tomatoes - although they are quickly becoming a favorite snack for her.

Italian Wedding soup - I'm trying to widen her soup repertoire, but this can has been rejected and sits forlornly on the shelf. The only time Grandma pays any attention to it is to say, "Italian wedding soup? Never heard of it!"

Whole grain bread - I bought a loaf at the bakery full of sunflower seeds and other goodness. Grandma was suspicious because it wasn't sliced. "I usually buy sliced bread. It's got seeds? Never heard of it!" After the loaf was gone, with Grandma eating at least 2/3 of it, "We need more bread. Get white bread this time. I didn't care for that last one." What? Then why'd you eat all my bread?! Freshie.

Double wrappings of bread - When Grandma opened the new bag of bread, she found it wrapped inside as well. "A wrapping inside? Never heard of that!"


The Wicked shade of nail polish - I was sitting at the kitchen table touching up my favorite winter shade - Wicked by Essie. "What color is that?"
"Wicked."
"Never heard of that!"
"Don't I look like an evil queen with it?" (Which is exactly why I love to wear it so much. It makes me want to drum my nails as if I'm pondering the intricate details of some nefarious plot).
"Well, it sure is dark. I never saw such a color!"





Don't think that all the bad weather has kept Aunt Dee from making her rounds of thieving!

Things Aunt Dee Steals:
Pills
Weekly Pill Box

Grandma's medications have been her focus lately. She's been messing up her doses or forgetting them all together. I find untaken pills all over the house. Even with the weekly pill organizer Grandma wouldn't take the proper amounts on the proper days. So, at Aunt Dee and my dad's suggestion, I've hidden the pills and the pill box. I leave out her day's doses in the morning before I go to work, but even this is getting confusing to Grandma. With her vitamins and supplements, she takes nearly a dozen things a day and frequently doesn't finish everything. So, then she finds the leftover pills and the new set and various combinations in between and doesn't know what she's taken or not. She insists that the problem is that Aunt Dee took her pill box, so I let Aunt Dee take the fall.

Pest Control by Grandma

Grandma has a bad habit of leaving food out. She eats half a banana with her cereal every morning and leaves the other half on the counter until the next day. She saves the ends of bread loaves to feed the birds and leaves that out for days. Aunt Dee and I have tried to cure her of this habit, but Grandma is not having it.

"Put that banana away, you're gonna get bugs."

"No, I won't. I put it up high so the bugs can't get it."

I don't even know where to go with this. Has she never seen a bug with wings? Has she not witnessed the amazing crawling abilities of ants? I take a new tactic.

"What about mice? You can't leave food out or you'll get mice."

"So, I'll put it on the stove. It's too hot for mice over there."

Again, speechless.

Gossip with Grandma

Grandma loves her tabloids! The other day she was reading one of the gossip pages in the Daily News and loving it! She found Charlie Sheen's latest drama to be hilarious. She was giggling so hard she could barely speak.

"Listen to this! 'Sheen had an epic bender in Las Vegas over the weekend, drinking and partying with three porn stars.' Ha! Can you imagine? That is hot stuff."

She continued, recounting this gem from the fall, "'Sheen's binge with adult film actress Capri Anderson' - never heard of her - 'ended when police hauled him to the hospital.' Isn't that something, ha!"

The paper also featured a quote from Vanilla Ice about his break-up with Madonna in 1992. In this almost 20 year old break up Grandma is solidly on Team Ice. "Oh, she must be some kind of jerk, Madonna. He's a good looking guy, too."

Apparently Grandma loves the bad boys!

Aren't You Fresh?!

Aunt Dee and I often talk about how with Grandma's dementia it's like we've switched places; she's the child while we have to act like her parents. Conditions of dementia include being impulsive, illogical, and irritable. Grandma's favorite things to eat are cheeseburgers, pizza, and donuts. She sleeps at least 12 hours a day and always has the TV on. In other words, she is often like a surly teenager.

Grandma's appetite has been kind of off lately and she weighed in at just 100 pounds at her doctor's appointment. We think she's been forgetting to eat again. Since New Years she's been looking a little peaked and complaining of feeling weak and nauseous. Most of the time she's refused to eat anything more than tea and toast (which I think is the real reason she feels weak, but moving on...). Yesterday I left the house around 5:00pm, so I tried to remind her of dinner.

"I'm going out, Grandma, don't forget to make your dinner."
"Yeah."
"There's a slice of pizza and TV dinners and soup."
"Yeah."
"So you have plenty to eat."
"Jeez, Jammie, I'm not going to starve." She is actually rolling her eyes at me!
And now I have to utter a classic Grandma line, "Don't be fresh!"

She starts cracking up! She is so pleased with her fresh self! She even tries to swat at me for added emphasis.

It's nice to see some of her old spunk back.

"Where Are Your Slippers?" UPDATE

Grandma is loving her new slippers! She got at least three pairs for Christmas, but these are her favorites by far! When she opened them she exclaimed, "Oh, aren't they cute?" She's been wearing them every day since.

After Christmas I asked her how she liked them. She replied, "Aren't they something?! Look at that lining! It goes all the way down, not just around the ankle."

Many thanks to Katie C. and the shipping mishaps at Restoration Hardware!

Breaking News

Unfortunately, Grandma seems to be in worse and worse shape these days. For example, take this conversation we had today.

"How come I don't get the Herald Statesman any more? I bet Aunt Dee didn't pay the bill! I used to get it every day and it hasn't been coming. I can pay my own bills. I paid them on time at least."

Aunt Dee is off the hook this time. The Herald Statesman has not existed for nearly 15 years.